I was in the bar in the new adult community I recently move to nursing my Jack Daniels and watching the game when I overheard the strangest conversation.
“Are you a pineapple?” the man said.
“I’m a green pineapple,” the lady smiled.
My interest piqued, I couldn’t help but glance in their direction.
“Green aye. Nice.” The man grinned and moved closer to her.
“I used to be a white pineapple, but now I’m green,” she said and shot him a come-hither look.
Trying to figure out what they were talking about, I listened intently, without giving away my interest.
“Do you fly the flag?” he asked.
“Proudly!” She stuck out her chest.
“Good, see ya tonight.” He handed her a card and left with a big grin.
I leaned over and looked at the card. It had a red pineapple on it that said “Welcome.”
Curious, I was tempted to ask her about the card, but couldn’t think of a way to approach it without giving my eavesdropping away. Then she put the card in her purse and left, so I lost my chance.
I don’t know why, but it bothered me for the rest of the day. What were they talking about? So I looked up “pineapple welcome.” One search said pineapples are used in decorating to make guests feel welcome because of their association with warmth and friendliness. But then I scrolled down and another entry said the pineapple emoji is used as a substitute for the word sex.
Then in the sunny daylight of the next morning, I noticed a few golf carts in the parking lot with a red pineapple flag. I’d never noticed one before and yet now there were several in the parking lot, as they discussed in the bar. Given my minimal research, my fascination was bubbling over. Which did it mean? And when I saw a lady flying a red pineapple flag, I blurted it out.
“Does your pineapple flag mean welcome?”
She paused and gazed at me for a very uncomfortable minute and smiled, raising her eyebrows.
“Yes it does.” She handed me a card from her purse and left.
The card had a red pineapple with “welcome” on it, just like the other card. And when I flipped it over, it said 7pm tonight with an address.
All day I contemplated. Should I go? What will I find? It could be a game of canasta or an orgy. I’d heard of these swingers’ clubs in adult communities, but I didn’t want to believe it. I didn’t think “adult community” meant the same thing as an “adult film or bookstore.” But I just had to know.
So I went in completely blind, hoping curiosity didn’t kill me. When I reached the front door to the address on the card, a handwritten sign on the door says Come In. I grabbed the door handle and then hesitated a bit. What if I opened to the door to a bunch of wrinkly old naked people? I closed my eyes to be ready for anything and opened the door. I walked inside and was immediately confused. It looked like a normal cocktail party with people sitting around holding small plates of food and drinks. I scanned the room and found nothing suspicious.
Seeing the woman who gave me the card, I approached her.
“Thanks for the invite, just sit anywhere?”
“Yes, help yourself to a drink, we’re waiting for a couple more and then we’ll begin,” she smiled coyly at me, again making me uncomfortable.
Still bathed in curiosity, I took some food, poured a much needed drink and sat down. The conversation around me was casual and ordinary, considering the circumstances. I was beginning to think this was some kind of mistaken Mahjong club. Then I saw my next-door neighbor. I met her after I moved in and she immediately caught my eye.
She was beautiful with long blonde hair and milk white skin… exactly my type. And a week after I moved in, I accidentally caught her moonlight skinny dipping in her pool. She was definitely a looker. I didn’t know if she was married or not as I never saw a husband or anything.
She walked in the door with a man, but I wasn’t sure they were together. When I made eye contact with her, I thought she’d be surprised, but she just shot me a knowing smile and took a seat across the room when a woman started speaking.
“We’re all adults here for the same reason, so no need to be nervous. We have some new people and some who are former players. The game is simple. There are colored cards in front of you. White is for beginners. Purple is for people who just want to watch. Pink is for those who want to do it with others in the room. So, purple and pink people go together. Blue is for those who are open to playing with anyone, but have limits. Black is for those who are open to anything and anyone, but only one partner of the opposite sex. Green is for those who are not specific about the gender or number of partners. So feel free to take the card that meets your needs and gather with others with the same card.”
I couldn’t believe her frank tone. She said it like she was explaining the rules of Monopoly, not an carnal ping pong. Afterward, everyone stood and took cards as casually as if they were picking scratch-off lottery cards. I got back in the line and observed. It’s a rainbow of colors all mixed up. I’m floored that there are so many adventurous people here.
Then I saw my neighbor take a black card and I took one too and gathered with the few with black cards. She walked up to me and took the card from my hand and pointed her finger to follow me out the door. From that moment, my interest in the group completely diminished. My focus was completely on her as she led me out the door and into her car.
Without a word, she drove down a couple streets and parked along the side of the road. I didn’t know what we were doing. Did she have a thing for doing it in a car. I was willing, but lamented that I didn’t have any time to stretch. I didn’t know how bendy I was anymore.
“What were you doing there?” she accused, catching me off guard.
“I could say the same thing to you,” I reply.
“If you’re here to swing, no judgement,” she said.
Now I was really confused. “Isn’t that was the group is about?” I asked.
“Yes, but I’m not one of them. I’m an undercover cop trying to bust senior sex rings,” she said.
“Let me get this straight. You’re undercover?” I said surprised. “Then why did you take the black card? I picked it because you did. Confidentially, I’m attracted to you too.”
“Thanks. I’m flattered and I admit interested, but let’s table that. I have no intention of partaking in this group, but I thought you may know something, so I picked the black card to be alone and keep up appearances. I don’t really know if I can trust you, but I could use some help.”
I didn’t know what to say.
“OK… I just want to know how far you have to go. I’m no prude, but I’m not looking for the Florida version of Gomorrah either.”
She laughed and lightly punched me in the arm.
“No, silly. Usually I try to talk to them at the getting to know you cocktail portion and then take the purple card and excuse myself with an emergency or conveniently get lost on the way. I could use some fresh eyes and ears. The stories and lines are pretty funny. It could be laughs.”
I can’t resist a mystery, so I nodded and she took me back to my car.
“I’ll be in touch.” She smiled and drove off.
Oh, the things you do when you’re in “like” with someone. I have no idea what I just got myself into.
Authors Note – This is based on a preview of Pandemonium at Peacock Perch, the latest in the Secret Senior Sleuth’s Society Mysteries available November 15th.
(c) 2023 Suzanne Rudd Hamilton
SUZANNE RUDD HAMILTON 