It started just like another other day in the life of a mother with three babies, one wife and one dog. Six am brought in the new day with the immediate chaos of three one-year old boys greeting the morning with the usual gusto, screaming at each other and running around chasing each other and the dog. Meg began the series of diaper changes and feeding rituals, the three kids, the dog, wife than finally herself.
She barely took a bite when the first call came in. Meg didn’t get many calls during the day, but her sister was at the end of a difficult pregnancy, so she picked it up without looking at the caller id.
“You just won a wonderful trip to Cancun, absolutely free,” the caller said.
“Robocall,” Meg said as she hung up the phone.
She blocked the number on her cell phone, bid goodbye to Laura, her wife and partner in life for ten years, and went on to clean the boys up and get them dressed.
Watching her three little ones play and mess with the dog, Meg thought briefly about how her life has drastically changed. Only one year ago, Meg was a surgical heart nurse and Laura was an airline pilot. After years of unsuccessful invitro with both of them, finally Laura got pregnant and eventually gave birth to triplets.
Since she was a nurse and felt she should stay home for the first five years of the boys lives. Then Laura was going to take over. Laura got a steady flight schedule with a daily shuttle from Chicago to New York, so she could be home every night to help.
After a couple of hours of vigorous playing, the boys finally settled into their morning nap and Meg could go online to see if she had any questions from her online nurse consultant gig. It was the perfect job for a busy mom. She was a live nurse consultant who gave people advice on their symptoms in a live chat. She barely got to the computer, when her phone rang again. She didn’t recognize the caller id, but it looked like her sister’s work number.
“This is your chance. Your seat in the kingdom of heaven awaits you, but three tests will be given to you in the next 24 hours,” the call said.
Frustrated, Meg hung up again. “I am so sick of these robocalls,” she barked. “I keep blocking the numbers, but they just use another number. Can’t somebody do something about these?”
Two hours later, she heard the boys awake and now it was diaper time again. Diapering three boys in succession was a combination of herding cattle, keeping the strays at bay and changing tires in the pits of the Indy 500. You needed to be really quick and need to know how to shuffle and duck to avoid the pee fountain. Meg was a pro with nearly one year and four thousand three hundred and eighty diaper changes under her belt.
But just as she was almost finished with her third change, she got another call.
“This is an important call about your health insurance,” the voice on the other line said. And just then, Meg got a face full of pee. She often wondered if they just waited for her to let down her guard and then fired. The phone dropped on the floor and ended the call.
Mumbling what would have been curse words under her breath, she finished the diapering, cleaned herself up and bundled up all three kids to them run and play with the dog outside.
Although she was grateful for their blessings, at certain times, it taxed anyone’s patience.
She played with the kids in the snow, but as they tried to make a snowman out of the dog, she had to intervene. Just then, she got another call.
“That’s it,” she grimaced determined. “I am putting an end to this once and for all.”
“Good afternoon. This is your credit card company,” the real voice on the phone said. “We wanted to discuss activity on your account.”
“Ok,” Meg said calming and feeling stupid that she jumped to the wrong conclusion.
“With Citicard any activity on your account will be protected with our patented securecard system and you will not be charged for fraudulent use.”
“Really?” Meg smiled devilishly. “So, when my deadbeat husband uses it to buy crack cocaine, I won’t be charged?”
“Uh, well…”, the voice said.
“What about when he goes to the atm at the strip club and takes out our rent money so he can get lap dances and other happy ending favors from the whores there. Now we could get evicted,” she asks, stifling a laugh.
“Um, I am not sure,” the voice said.
“Well, I would like a card that does that,” Meg said smiling. “Last month, I couldn’t even feed our kids because he maxed out the card buying a gun and shovel, he used to kill his brother and bury him in the woods. How do I apply?”
Meg heard a click on the line and burst out in laughter.
Copyright 2020, Suzanne Rudd Hamilton
SUZANNE RUDD HAMILTON 