Mad About Mars

I just can’t believe we’re going to Mars. Aren’t you excited? We’ve been watching the coverage of this ever since the first shuttle brought tourists 10 years ago.  Of course, we, that’s my husband Marty and me, waited to make sure it was safe…and when we could get a reasonable Groupon rate.  No, we aren’t the first people to do anything. We just got our first microchip phone, the IOS 2000 and the 2124’s just came out.

“Passengers, please clasp your harnesses and put on your oxygen inhalers, as we are descending into the Mars atmosphere,” the shuttle pilot said.

This is so exciting. I just got this inhaler. Its designer Fauci – well, it really says Fuci, but who notices. Ya gotta breathe, right? I got it in the back of a van in New Jersey. It has faux leopard vinyl skin. That’s the second best kind, since real faux leopard skin is nearly extinct. 

Where are you staying?  We looked at all the resorts, but we decided to stay in New Vegas. They have a really fun package there – tours, gaming and concerts.  It’s the green-man group’s tenth farewell tour. We’re staying at the NANASA resort. We wanted to stay in the Mars Rover building, but it is down for repairs. We are staying at the Curiosity building. At least we’ll get to go on the Mars Rover roller coaster inside the resort. People say it breaks down a lot, but I don’t believe that.

I’m looking forward to the Mad about Mars tour the most. Two days of really digging into the history and colonization of Mars. It shows how happy the Maritain people were to have their planet turned into the biggest planetary resort in the galaxy.  They are so much better off now. I mean, they all have jobs as servers, maids and hover drivers now. We really made a difference in their lives.

“Madge, come on, we’ll miss the front seats on the tour hover,” Marty said. 

It was nice talking to you; we start our tour right away. Have a good time.  

“Thank you for visiting Mars.  Our Mad about Mars tour starts with the beginnings of ancient Mars and brings you right up through the first contact with Elon Musk and the colonization of the people through the Space Force initiative and building of the largest luxury resort playground for humans with Trumptopia,” the tour guide turned into the gates of a sandy area.

“This is where first contact took place and where the great Elon Musk and the tribal Martian leader J’onn XX shook fingers for the first time.  Before SpaceEx and Space Force took control of the planet, the Martians lived in caves like this one.”

Marty, look at this cave, it’s so primitive.  Stand next to that Martian, I’ll take your picture like you’re entering the cave with Sir Elon exploring.  Marty, make believe you’re giving him the sign of peace.

“And here we have some ancient Martian hieroglyphs. We think they are a pictorial representation of that first meeting.  Since the native language is now extinct, no one can translate it, but it’s great to have the historical record. Let’s move onto the first groundbreaking of the Space Force Trump landing area, which is now the largest fast food court in the world,” the tour guide said.

Hey Marty, take my picture with the ancient carvings.  I wonder what they say.  Google, translate this picture from Martian to English. 

“Ok, according to the twentieth edition of the Mars English dictionary, the translation says Eat at Martian Joes,” the computer voice said. Oh that reminds me, I wonder if they have that green Martian milkshake I’ve heard about.  I have a  coupon for that.  Let’s go.

@ Suzanne Rudd Hamilton, Copyright 2021

Published by suzanneruddhamilton

I write anything from novels and children's books to plays to relate and retell everyday life experiences in a fun-filled read with heart, hope and humor. A former journalist and real estate marketing expert, I am a transplant from Chicago, now happily living in southwest Florida to keep warm and sunny all year round. You can find me at

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: