Never Have I Ever

It was a cool and somewhat snowy Chicago weekend in early April. The point in winter when everybody felt listless and annoyed with one more month of gray days, cool temperatures, and intermittent snow that was supposed to be gone in March. So five friends decided to embark on a long weekend to sunny warm Jamaica.

Proudly wheeling one carry-on bag each they gleefully arrived in Montego Bay ready for some fun in the sun, an endless pool bar and good 5-star cuisine, all included.

Removing sweaters, jackets and anything else they could on the way to the bus, they inhale the sticky humidity and baking sun rays they desperately missed for the last seven months.

“Can you feel the warmth of the sun? It’s like a shot of vitamin D,” Anne said raising her hands to the sky.

“I am ready to get my margarita on. Let’s go,” Carl agreed.

An hour later the quintet was waist deep in chlorinated water within arms reach of the pool bar, toasting their weekend.

“Hey, check out the young skinny pale guy at the bar. He’s got no game,” Greg chuckled.

The others turned their heads to find the young man trying to strike up a conversation with a woman at the bar.

“Are from out of town? Rrr i’m from New York. Where are you from?” Carl mimicked, trying to simulate the out of earshot conversation.

“Oh, I’m from California,” Cindy laughed, anticipating the flippant non-engaging reply from the girl.

Then Greg began to give the play-by-play. “Never dissapointed, he goes in for another.”

“Um. I’m a graphic designer,” Carl continued, pretending to be a little too proud.

“That’s nice,” Ann imitated cooley.

“It’s a swing and a miss,” Greg chuckled. “And as soon as he goes up to the plate again…”

“Oh no, she’s getting up. Not good pale guy,” Cindy closed her eyes to avoid seeing the conclusion.

They all uttered a unanimous grown as the girl left the bar.

“Too bad pale guy. Crash and burn,” Greg laughed.

A little annoyed at the mocking play, Tanya eagerly changed topic.

“Now that that’s over, let’s play a drinking game. I saw it on television, it’s called. Never have I ever. Somebody says something and if you’ve done it, you drink, if you haven’t, you don’t,” Tanya suggested.

“OK, I’ll start. Never have I ever smoked a marijuana joint,” Cindy said, waiting for the others to reply.

“Just so everybody knows, I may drink whether I did it or not. I came here to drink and these margaritas are good,” Carl asserted while sipping his drink.

The four gazed at each other cautiously, like a high noon standoff wondering who would sip first.

Carl took a drink any others stared at him and surprise.

“It’s medicinal,” he yelled. “Why not?”

They all burst into laughter, while Tanya loudly announced to the pool goers

“Anyone selling any ganja? We got to taker here.”

“Or a toker,” Greg laughed and they all followed.

“Hey, what happens in the pool stays in the pool,” Cindy jokingly admonished her.

“OK, here’s one. Never have I ever had sex on the first date,” Tanya snapped with a satisfied grin.

Everyone looked at each other again, no one wanting to show their hand first. But this time nobody said anything.

Tanya became increasingly annoyed and then she drank from her cup.

Everyone dropped their jaws in shock and Tanya laughed.

“At least I’m honest,” she said.

The next day, they decided to move the party to the resort clothing-optional beach. Something foreign and in varying degrees of discomfort to most Americans.

Walking amid the partially clothed, Ann shielded her face.

“I didn’t think this would bother me, but I don’t know where to look,” Ann admitted.

“Well, I’m looking,” Carl smiled.

“You would,” Cindy chuckled.

“I’m intrigued, but personally I like my boobs in melon shapes not cucumbers,” Tanya said.

Everyone laughed and they found someplace to sit down when Ann noticed the armed guards with automatic rifles positioned on either end of the beach.

“I don’t know about you guys, but I’m a little uneasy with the heavy duty hardware all around us,” Ann said.

“What? Guns are more frightening than a fruit salad variety of naked breasts,” Greg kidded.

“I know they’re here for our protection, but I agree. It freaks me out a little bit,” Cindy added.

For the next two days they ate, they drink a lot and were merry with each other’s company.

Then on day three, they were all sitting in restaurant having breakfast when the manager came flanked by two armed guards, alarming everyone.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I am sorry but you must extend your stay a little longer. We just got word that a band of armed rebels have taken over the airport and no one can leave the island. We are doubling our security to keep you safe. There is no need to panic.”

The five friends glared at each other stunned into silence.

“I don’t like this at all,” Cindy said with concern.

“Don’t worry the airport is more than a half an hour away. They’re not gonna come over here. They’re just trying to make a point with the government.” Tanya tried to ease her fears.

“I hope so. That’s what I’m going to believe,” Ann said.

“As long as the food and drinks hold out, I’m OK.” Carl said jokingly, but his eyes defied him, revealing his worry.

For the first time in the weekend, Greg took a serious pose.

“Look guys. Let’s just promise to stick together and we’ll get out of this OK.”

They all shook their heads in agreement.

Four days later, the government took back the airport and the relieved five musketeers traveled back to Chicago vowing never to don Jamaica’s island again. But as time passed, they regaled many with their tale of the long, long Jamaican weekend. Something they would never do again.