How can someone be erased from existence?
Erased from your life. Snuffed out like a candle with scarcely a puff of smoke to show for it.
I didn’t think it could happen to me, but it did.
It all played out as if it were a movie. I was just a normal person working in the mayor’s office. It was my dream job. With the ink on my marketing degree barely dry, I volunteered for the campaign of mayor Bud McKenzie. His real name was Todd. He was young, charismatic, full of ideas and I was enamored.
With my education, I was quickly assigned to their publicity department. I was a blogger and an Instagram influencer in college. Not that that means anything other than I knew my way around social media. But it got my foot in the door. I came up with fun memes, social media videos, and other cute and quirky tricks to lean into his popularity and natural charm.
So when he was elected, he asked me to be on his PR team. And for awhile, it was fabulous. He was doing wonderful things in the city. It was magic. People cheered for him everywhere he went. And then as quickly as he rose, it all fell apart.
I videoed him constantly for footage to use in anyway I imagined and then one day I saw something I shouldn’t have seen. We were at the millionth public appearance cutting ribbon and kissing babies at a nearby college he just got funded. I saw him off to the side, talking to some young college student. At first, I didn’t think anything of it. We were after all at a college and she was one of the organizers, or at least I thought she was. She looked like one. It’s true sometimes trendy young people all kinda look the same.
Then, in an instant they went from talking to kissing, really kissing, like making out. And I accidentally got it all on video.
I was horrified, then devastated. Here was my hero and he turned out to be just another leech. He fell from grace hard down to zero in that moment. Tears welled in my eyes and I nearly cried.
How could he? His wife was pregnant and they have a toddler at home. How could he?
Strangely I felt as wounded if I were his wife. But mostly, I didn’t know what to do.
So I did nothing. I said nothing to anyone. I figured I would delete the video and then just quit and say I got another job or something. Then I looked down at my phone and realized… I had set it on a live stream. I shut it down immediately thinking maybe nobody saw it. Right, I had more than 2 million followers at that point on this channel. Everybody saw it.
Within minutes, he was whisked away by his handlers and everyone was looking at me. If I were smart at that point, I would’ve run from embarrassment, but I should’ve been running in fear. Unfortunately I just froze until the handlers approached me and silently, but firmly, escorted me into a car and then drove away.
I figured everybody was mad at me. I was losing my job, as was probably the mayor. I was getting called on the carpet for sure when we arrived at the office, they told me to wait in a room by myself. Yes, I was waiting for the dressing down of a lifetime, but as I said there alone, I chastised myself more, not for my mistake, but for my naïve belief in another human being. I raised the mayor so far up on a pedestal. That was something I knew I would never do again.
I waited for what seemed like forever, but was probably only a little while, and who came in, but Bud himself. He smiled in his politician way, which I thought was charming, and sat in squarely front of me with a somber look at his face.
“Maddie, I’m sorry for what you saw. That was for no one‘s eyes but my own. And I’m very sorry that you got it on your feed, as I’m sure you understand. We’re going to have to do some damage control now and I’m sorry for what’s going to happen,” he patted me on the back and left.
I felt like I’ve been hit by a Mac truck. He didn’t apologize for what he did. To him, it was perfectly OK. He only said I’m sorry I saw it. That’s not an apology and what did he mean? He was sorry what’s going to happen? What was going to happen?
Sitting there alone, I began to recycle the words over and over in my head, panicking with each iteration.
He’s sorry for what’s going to happen to me or to him? As my head swirled into absolute nightmare, I looked in terror as I saw the door handle opening.
It was two police officers. They quickly stepped over me, grabbed my arm and pull both arms behind my back.
“You’re under arrest ma’am,” the officer barked.
“Arrest for what?” I charged.
“Ma’am, don’t make this more difficult than it has to be.”
Within seconds, I’m yanked out of the building as a crowd of reporters screamed questions at me, all at once. I couldn’t discern what they were saying, but I was shocked that they knew my name. And terrified that I had no idea what was going on. Was this Bud‘s ominous warning?
Out of the police car and into another cold vacant room, I sat there handcuffed with my hands behind my back, absolutely stunned and completely afraid.
Soon a police woman came in.
“Do you want some water or coffee or soda?“ She blankly asked.
“I wanna know what’s going on,” I demanded, again near tears.
She shrugged and left the room.
And then my dream turned into a nightmare.
On the television in the room, I saw myself being dragged out of our office building and into the police car. The rolling caption on the TV read: “Social media influencer Madeline Right arrested for conspiracy against the mayor.”
Then I saw the girl the mayor was kissing. The caption underneath said she turned evidence that I paid her to kiss and discredit the mayor so I could get it on camera.
I discredited him? My stomach dropped down to the floor and I nearly threw up.
They’re blaming this all on me! They’re covering up buds affair! And I’m the scapegoat.
When I saw a picture on the TV of him kissing his very pregnant wife on the cheek, I knew. I was gonna take the fall for this.
Over the next few minutes, I experienced every possible emotion from fear, shock, and disappointment to anger and mostly complete confusion. What was going to happen to me? I still believed in the justice system of this country. How could I possibly be blamed for this?
As they let me stew in this room for so long, I was ready to climb the walls. Then Kevin came in. Kevin was Bud’s right hand man.
With a deadened look on his face He sat down and pushed an envelope in front of me.
I must’ve looked like a terribly frightened sheep as he touched my hand.
“Don’t worry, Maddie you’re not gonna die and you’re not going to go to jail… if you’re smart. We need all this to go away very quickly and we’re planning for something to happen in the city that will make this yesterday’s news.”
Stunned, I sat there mute while he continued.
“So here’s the deal. In that envelope is $20,000 and a new identity. We’re gonna set you up in another state. You’ll have a job as a copywriter in an advertising agency. We will pay for your apartment and you receive a stipend of $5000 every month for the rest of your life. And you’ll get a nice salary. We will take care of you but in return, you will be a ghost. No contact with anyone friends family coworkers no one. For the rest of your life.”
I nearly fell over. The rest of my life? I had to be someone else?
I couldn’t even believe the words came out of my mouth when I asked him.
“What if I don’t wanna do this?”
Kevin pushed the envelope towards me a little further and looked me straight in the eyes as he saw right through me.
“You don’t wanna do that. Let’s just say jail would be the least of your worries. Someone will be here to take you soon.”
Then he got up and left.
I couldn’t believe it. I had no choice.
I was swiftly moved out of the picture. Where I went, this city was not a factor. But later, I learned that they told everyone that I remorsefully committed suicide in prison waiting for trial. And left a tear jerking note about how I was in love with Bud and wanted to get back at him for not returning my affection.
It was all so neat and tidy…wrapped up in a little box with a bow on it.
I learned a hard lesson that day that I never forgot, but was also never able to speak about, so it is as if it hadn’t happened.
Sometimes I wonder if I dreamed it. But it was real. I was erased from existence. Just like that.
